Blondie, The M&M Queen

Beneath that bubbling, happy exterior she conceals a secret that we can reveal exclusively here... she is actually qualified as a Lift Repair Technician from the Tucson Technical School of Elevator Lifting and Splatting. It will not have escaped your notice that Blondie is blonde, and blondes are noted for many things but not including Lift Repair. This may explain many of the problems she seems to have whenever she travels in SST's Lift 4.

As the Founder and President of The Blondie School Of Typoing, she has rightly achieved worldwide fame for her services to the arts of communication. In 1998, she received a special "Say What?" award, voted overwhelmingly for by members of the public. At The Readers Vine, she is known as Blondie Whitman which helps her indulge her passion for poetry. Although she says she cannot write a single word of poetry, which may explain why she has such trouble getting it to rhyme, she frequently posts beautiful and apt verses that she has found on the 'Net. It is also true to say that few ladies, if any, have ever inspired so many poems as she has, and that anyone who counts her as a friend is rich beyond their dreams.

Line dancing is another of her many specialities, and the second picture shows her about to start at one of the classes she regularly gives. For unknown reasons, her classes always attract a very high proportion of males who pay double (without being asked) and yet never dance, only spectate. Blondie thinks it might be because she has funny knees, but that's never been confirmed.

Finding quotes about Blondie is not difficult.

Elvis Presley: “It kind of makes me wonder what I'm doing up in heaven when she's down there. All we've got here are angels — and they ain't a patch on her. Did you know, up here they sell Blondie Memorabilia? I just got 40 jars of peanut butter jelly from Gabriel because he wanted the souvenir hankie she gave me back in '78.”

A Line Dancer (male): “Abblo gibble flender mish golbit decum geldebble didebble. Wibble dribble nibble <thud>.”

Carey Grant: “She is charming. Absolutely charming.”

Bill Gates: “Logic? I used to think that's what computers were good at, but since knowing Blondie, I realise now that the computer really doesn't understand what it means to be cranky. So it can't be logical. At least, I think that's what she said. I'm not real sure I understood it right.”

Mavis Beacon: “She has ruined my life, destroyed my Teach Yourself Typing business, and eroded my income until it's now worthless. I did not know why she did this, but I attended class at The Blondie School Of Typoing and  now I kan sie where I waz going rong.”